Meet 54-year-old Karl Merk. He lost his arms in a farming accident six years ago.

Then three months ago, on July 25, 2008, in a 15-hour operation with 40 surgeons, anesthesiologists, nurses and other support staff, Karl received the world’s first complete double arm transplant.

Photo by Lennart Preiss

There were five medical teams for the operation: Two teams each removed one arm from the donor, while two others prepared Karl to receive them. The fifth team removed veins from the donor, which had to be taken as part of the transplant to allow for a better blood flow. Surgeons then joined the bone of the donor’s upper arm to Karl’s shoulder sockets before connecting arteries and veins. (But since new nerves have to grow, it could be several years before Karl gets any feeling in his fingertips.)

Still, isn’t that amazing!

(The donor, who had died in a road crash shortly before the surgery, was a 19-year-old from Augsburg in Bavaria.)

I would think it took enormous courage on the part of the donor’s family members to consent to the limb transplant based on the wishes of their loved one who died. They must have realized his spirit would live on in his tremendous life-enhancing gift…and they found comfort in that.

As one family member of another donor said to me, “We understand nothing will bring my brother back, but knowing his organs are in other people is a good feeling.”

Every year, hundreds of men, women and children wait anxiously for a phone call that will save, or enhance, their lives. They wait for a cornea, a heart, a kidney, a lung, a liver, a pancreas, bone, skin, an arm…and maybe one day, a leg?

You can improve and save lives by choosing to be an organ and tissue donor. And in that, your family may find comfort that someone else has hope for a better life.

Prior to the surgery Karl Merk was thoroughly checked out physically, and had psychological counseling to ensure he was mentally stable enough to cope with the procedure. What a new lease on life he has been given!

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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Life has its own hidden forces, which you can only discover by living.
~ Soren Kierkegaard, 1813-1855, Danish Philosopher

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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Let me be the soul
If you, the body

Let me be the heat
If you, the Sun

Let me be the rainbow
If you, a tear

Let me be the world
Where you would love to wander

Let me be the aura
If you, the smile

Let me be the melody
If you, the song

Let me be the wings
If you, an angel

Let me be the air
That you always breathe in

Let me be the heartbeat
If you the heart

Let me be the warmth
If you, the hug

Let me be the passion
If you, the kiss

Let me be the sensation
If you, the touch

Let me be the Light
Whenever you need

Let me be your dreams
When you sleep

Let me be close to you
Till we last breathe

Let me, always be around you
Just for the reason, to let me be ‘Me’.

Shilpa Agarwal (freelance writer, India)

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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A testament to survival:

“I don’t think, in our deepest heart, we accept the death until we see the body. When we viewed the body of our daughter, who drowned, I remember to this day the comment that my wife said to me. She said, ‘Oh, Tom, it’s her. It’s really her.’ And we’d already known about her death for twelve hours. And it was like I really didn’t believe it, but now I have to believe it. I also found it a wonderful thing to hug her and say goodbye.

“And we went to the accident site. It was important to us. And our two older children went with us—they wanted to see the scene of the accident. I asked everybody, ‘Do you really want to see where she died?’ And they all said, ‘Oh yeah! It’s really important to us.’ And it was. But I know everybody doesn’t always feel that way…I have friends who’ve lost a child and they just couldn’t go…and there are people who tend a loved one’s grave every day and others who can’t go to the grave at all…ever!

“You have to give people the freedom to be different! And I know people who didn’t see the body of their loved one and really grieve that fact, and other people who grieve other things they did or didn’t do…and have carried that for years. To those people I say, ‘You have to remember, you did the best that you could at the time!’

“And remember, grief crying is a stress reliever—In grief you know why you’re crying [as opposed to when you’re depressed]. I know some people think that letting go of the pain is the same thing as letting go of the loved one—you know… that fear that you’ll forget. But it isn’t like that. The interesting thing is that the further it goes out, the more you remember! In fact, you remember more of those happy memories. And some people think that if they start crying they’ll never stop. But it doesn’t work that way!

“And yes, you have to compartmentalize your feelings to a certain extent and decide where you want to cry. And it helps if you can talk about what you’re feeling…even if only for a few minutes…to relieve some of the stress.

“And you have to realize that if there are other children…siblings of the child who died…you have to be careful and not portray the one who died as someone who was superhuman. Please don’t build them up to be that. Siblings have told me that it’s very hard living with that portrayal…that they feel that the ‘good one’ is gone.

“And remember, it’s never too late to get help for unresolved issues! Sometimes you need outside help.”

~Thoughts from a family practitioner.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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I read your Blog every couple of days Melanie and there are ALWAYS words that comfort me, or stories that make me feel my life is so blessed.
~M

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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“People in mourning have to come to grips with death before they can live again. Mourning can go on for years and years. It doesn’t end after a year, that’s a false fantasy. It usually ends when people realize that they can live again, that they can concentrate their energies on their lives as a whole, and not on their hurt, and guilt and pain.”

~Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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If you want to understand bereavement, you need to realize there is a difference between grief and mourning.

Grief is a person’s internal experience, thoughts and feelings related to the experience of a great loss.

Mourning is the external expression of one’s grief.

So, a person may experience extremely painful grief but, because of a need to appear stoic, may not mourn.

Are you grieving or mourning?

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
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“Tell me about it…what happened?”

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

Have you heard the following simplistic concept?:

“You must bloom where you are planted.” (In other words, grow a life.)

What does that mean to you, when you think about your grief journey?

Does it mean “grow and become all that you can be, no matter where you find yourself on life’s journey?”

And in mourning, are you ever at a place when you’re ready to embrace that concept?

Do you ever say to yourself, “I’m looking for something better…for better circumstances…because there has to be more than all this despair…but how do I find it…what do I have to do…where do I go to get it?”

Well according to the above concept, there is nothing better for you to run to…only because you have to make it better where you are!

When you become better, things get better.

Things don’t make you. There is no magical place to run away to.

Happiness is a state of mind. Remember this.

Life is full of challenges and change is a certainty. You can never recapture things as they were. Things are not the same…and never will be.

So what do you do with where you are left now? The past is just that, the past. Eventually you need to learn how to let it go…but only when you are ready!

Maybe circumstances beyond your control have left you feeling discouraged…hopeless…worthless…unhappy…depressed…scared…in despair, and so on. Are you searching in your heart and in your soul for something that isn’t with you any more? Maybe you feel like giving up on being here…and you desperately want things to be different.

You have every reason in the world to feel as you do. But just know you will remain stuck until you can let go of the past, move forward and make a conscience effort to be happy, right where you are, in your life.

And that doesn’t mean you have to do it right now…but at some point you’ll want to do it because you’ll be ready. You’ll be tired of staying in the same place. You’ll yearn for things to be better. You’ll decide it’s time to put out the effort.

Once you’ve let go of what you cannot change and realize that things never remain the same, you’ll move forward.

You’ll get out…you’ll go places.

It can be scary because you feel you are giving up your cherished dreams, your wishes, and your desire of having your deceased with you.

It’s not easy but you must make an attempt to bloom where you’re planted.

Put the talents and skills you have been blessed with, and the knowledge you have learned, into action…no matter how small your first step is.

Get up tomorrow, realizing it’s a new day and a new you, and cultivate yourself. You will begin to bloom…and beautiful, unexpected things can happen.

And always remember it’s OK to accept guidance and help along the way.

And here’s another thought…if you plant a living memorial to your deceased beloved, you can watch it grow and bloom…and your loved one will be with you.

So when you are ready, unfold delicately, yet fully, into the space in which you find yourself…and listen to your inner voice. It will guide you to your next step.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
Read an excerpt now
TV Shows and Clips about the Death of Cindy James

Photo by Lisa Rose

“What could be better than to hold your hand out to people who are less fortunate than you are?”

Those are Paul Newman’s words.

I’m sure you’ve heard the news by now…on Friday Sept 26, 2008, Oscar-winning motion picture actor and philanthropist Paul Newman died of cancer at his home in Westport, Connecticut.

He was 83.

In 1982, Newman and his friend A.E. Hotchner founded Newman’s Own. It’s a food company that today produces wholesome food ranging from pasta sauces to salad dressing to salsa to chocolate chip cookies.

Their motto was, and still is, “Shameless exploitation for the common good”. I like that—no bones about it! –Your money is going to charity!

As Wayne commented in response to yesterday’s Blog post, Newman’s Own, which donates all profits and royalties after taxes to educational purposes, health, the elderly, the arts, inner city, the environment and charities such as Newman’s Hole in the Wall Gang camp…has given away more than $250 million.

Imagine that!

Paul established the camp to benefit children with life-threatening illnesses and he said his greatest reward was to see the kids smiling!

I love it!

May Paul, and his son Scott who died from a drug overdose in 1978, now rest in peace together.

Melanie Hack
Author of Who Killed My Sister, My friend
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