Letting go is a powerful expression of love. Remember the poem: “If you love something let it go, If it comes back to you it’s yours, If it doesn’t, it never was.” “But letting go is so painful,” you think to yourself. (Sometimes you may feel that the holding on is all that’s keeping you […]

“You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left. Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her, or you can be full of the […]

My mother has Alzheimer’s disease, as did/does most of her 13 siblings. Over the years I’ve watched Mom “leave” me. (If you’ve ever had that experience in your own family, well, you know how tough that is.) At night I’ve laid in bed thinking about Mom—Confused, sometimes in pain (she recently had hip replacement surgery […]

It’s a lot easier to have your loss validated when someone actually dies—but what if you’ve lost something that appears “hidden” (it can be an invalidated death) or something that is perhaps socially unacceptable or tangential (maybe you are experiencing something not listed here): A mastectomy An amputation A grafting An abortion An ectopic pregnancy […]

Many of you have written to me asking for tips and thoughts on topics related to grief and loss and death: Emotions (Anger—I recently talked a bit about that; Guilt; Depression…) Dealing with angry feelings towards a murderer Teen suicide Grieving something “hidden,” or tangential (miscarriage, disability, relationship breakup, getting fired…) How to say goodbye […]

The Chinese characters that make up the verb “to listen” include an ear, one heart, eyes and undivided attention. So, in order to effectively listen for a message from someone (not just hear words), and understand them, you need to use all those body parts! You need to listen by “putting yourself in their shoes” […]

Were you taught that it’s not “nice” to be angry? Anger can be a difficult emotion to express—it’s powerful, it’s menacing and it’s frightening—and when you’re grieving, it can be an especially difficult emotion to manage. Anger is a normal and healthy response to loss. But it can easily be pushed “underground” if we are […]

OK, let’s turn our attention away from Cindy’s tragedy (I’ll come back to it) and focus on coping with illness and the accompanying loss. As a serious illness follows its course, there are many changes that occur. The result? –The patient and the family are continually dealing with losses… …Of life as they knew it […]

OK, for the sake of debate, let’s assume for a minute that my sister, Cindy, committed suicide with assistance—one of several theories about her death. (That’s illegal in Canada, by the way, but suicide isn’t—suicide and attempted suicide were decriminalized in 1972. But in the USA, only Oregon allows physician-assisted suicide.) So, following the assisted […]

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk being called sentimental. To reach out to another is to risk involvement. To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self. To place your ideas and dreams before the crowd is to risk being called naïve. To love is to risk […]